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Disclaimer: I own none of these characters... don't sue.


You gotta fight... for your right... to paaarty!
by Archer


"You mentioned that you'd spent some time in Uberwald, my Lord?"

Vetinari nodded, sipping the brandy slowly.

"Just over 6 months," he said at length.

"So you must know some Uberwaldean drinking games, what with being a student then, and all?"

Vetinari gave him a sideways glance.

"Leonard, are you suggesting we indulge in a drinking game?"

"It's been a difficult day, my Lord."

Vetinari had to agree, for well over an hour Lord Downey had bent his ear over Vimes' 'impertinence'.  It had been amusing at the time, but it had left him more drained than he'd realized, and Wuffles had lost a last remaining tooth to the accompaniment of much whining, and a scream of pain from Vetinari who later trod on the damn thing in bare feet.

Whereas Leonard... well, things had exploded as usual, just a little more often, one of them taking a substantial chunk out of his left ear.

"I don't really remember."

Leonard raised a cynical, if tipsy, eyebrow.

"Oh, come on, the Uberwaldeans really know how to party, I remember that, it's just been so long since I was there I don't remember the specifics."

There was a pause; Leonard was obviously quite pissed, and reminiscing about an Uberwaldean drinking custom, which traditionally is to get totally plastered, have a fight, and wake up somewhere interesting.  If you've thrown up on anyone this is considered a valuable bonus.

Vetinari was genuinely surprised.

It was a rare occurrence.

"How's the ear?" he said, trying to steer the conversation away from alcohol.

Leonard's hand flew up to his bandaged ear.

"Ah, 's fine."

He glugged a little more brandy and looked Vetinari in the eye, emboldened by alcohol.

"Now, be honesht... you're telling me you can't rememberer a single Uberwaldean drinking game from your student days...?  Those things are pretty"

Vetinari paused, and then smiled, it had been a long day...

"...Shren ha'k hassen I'sen gra'ckk!" *

"Lathi erii'm orri mal!" **

" Kai! Sven ha'k I'sen gra'ckk!" ***

" Mhrek'i shrek'en zorva'd gra'ckk!" ****

"...Va'd gra'ckk!"

" Ha!  You lose that one!"

Vetinari downed another shot.

"Ok, letsh try thish again..."

" Shren ha'k hassen I'sen gra'ckk!"

" Lathi erii'm orri..."

About an hour later, with an empty bottle and an inane grin on his face, Leonard peered muzzily at Vetinari.

"Amazing how the language comes back to you," he said happily.

Vetinari nodded carefully, his head felt in danger of floating away.

There was something subtly wrong; he couldn't work out what though.

Leonard grinned at him.

" Shee? Getting mashed once in a whilesh good for you..."


"You know," Leonard gabbled, "out of your tree."

Vetinari looked down.

Ah... that would be it...

"And into the bath?"

"Huh... oh."

Vetinari looked at the ceiling.

"You haven't got any more brandy, have you?" he asked casually.

There was a clinking, as Leonard pulled out another bottle, smaller than the first.

Vetinari eyed it warily.

"Hey," said Leonard, drunkenly.  "We're two grown men sitting fully clothed in the bath, what could possibly go wrong?"

"...Shren ha'k hassen I'sen gra'ckk!"

"Lathi erii'm orri mal!"

"Kai! Sven ha'k I'sen gra'ckkl"

"Mhrek'i shrek'en zorva'd grac'kk!"



"Ah, shit."





*Alvays ve vill have big teeth.

**Run, the invisible lunatic is here.

***Look, even Sven has big teeth.

****Sometimes our teeth can make it difficult to smoke pipes.

(With random actions)


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